There’s something about October that always feels like a shift.

The leaves change, the air gets colder, we start pulling out the sweaters, and nature basically gives us this giant reminder that we’re not supposed to stay the same forever.

Women change too.

Our bodies change. Our relationships change. We become mothers, business owners, wives, divorcees, caregivers. We gain weight, lose weight, age, heal, survive things, start over and sometimes wake up one day realizing we haven’t really felt connected to ourselves in a very long time.

And after 15 years of photographing women, I think this is one of the biggest misconceptions about boudoir:

Boudoir dark moody glam bathtub Edmonton Photography

Women don't come to me because they're already confident.

Most women come because they're looking for something.

Maybe they want to feel sexy again. Maybe they want to celebrate the body they're finally learning to appreciate. Maybe they've spent years taking care of everyone else and want to do something that is completely, unapologetically for themselves.

Sometimes they can't even put their finger on exactly why they want to do it.

They just know they do.

And I think that's because boudoir has a funny little way of reconnecting women with parts of themselves they thought they'd lost.

Here are five ways I see that happen in my studio every single week.

1. You Start Questioning the Story You've Been Telling Yourself

“I’m not photogenic.”

“I need to lose weight first.”

“I’m too old.”

“My stomach is too big.”

“My boobs aren't what they used to be.”

“I could never look like the women on your page.”

I've heard some version of all of these thousands of times.

And here's the problem: when you repeat something about yourself long enough, eventually you stop treating it like an opinion and start treating it like a fact.

But is it actually true?

Or have you spent years judging yourself through bathroom mirrors, terrible changing-room lighting, random phone photos and an impossible standard of what women are supposedly meant to look like?

Boudoir gives you different evidence.

I guide you through your posing. I understand lighting, angles, movement and how the female body photographs. I'm not waiting for you to magically know what to do in front of my camera.

And suddenly you're looking at a photograph thinking:

Wait… that's ME?

That little moment can crack open a story you've been telling yourself for decades.

2. You Get to Decide What Sexy Looks Like on You

One of my favourite things about boudoir is that there isn't one version of sexy.

You don't have to become some character that doesn't feel like you.

Maybe your sexy is soft sheets, bare skin and messy hair.

Maybe it's leather, heels and a bondage cross.

Maybe it's romantic and feminine.

Maybe it's powerful, dark and a little dangerous.

Maybe it's laughing your ass off while trying to hold a pose that has your thighs shaking.

You get to decide.

My job isn't to turn you into somebody else. It's to create a space where you can explore different parts of yourself and photograph the ones that make you think, Ohhhh… there she is.

Because she was never missing.

Sometimes she just hasn't been invited out to play in a while.

3. You Remember That Your Body Can Be Fun

We spend so much time talking about women's bodies in terms of how they look.

Is it thin enough? Firm enough? Young enough? Smooth enough?

But your body isn't just something for you—or anyone else—to look at.

It's something you get to live in.

It moves. It stretches. It feels. It laughs. It dances. It experiences pleasure. It carries you through your entire damn life.

A boudoir session gets you out of your head and back into that body.

You're moving. Arching. Breathing. Playing. Maybe you're wearing something you've never had the nerve to wear before. Maybe you're wearing absolutely nothing except a strategically placed sheet.

And somewhere in all of that, your body stops feeling like something you're constantly evaluating.

It starts feeling like yours again.

4. You Stop Waiting for the “Better” Version of Your Body

This one is huge.

I'll book a shoot when I lose 20 pounds.

I'll do it when I tone my stomach.

I'll do it when the kids are older.

I'll do it when I feel more confident.

I'll do it when…

And suddenly five years have passed.

Your body is going to change throughout your entire life. That's part of being alive.

You don't have to love every inch of yourself every second of every day. I don't think that's realistic for most women.

But you can stop making your life conditional on becoming some future version of yourself.

You can appreciate this body.

The one that got you here.

The softness. The curves. The muscles. The scars. The stretch marks. The parts you're still learning to make peace with.

You are allowed to document yourself now.

Not ten pounds from now.

Not when you finally feel confident enough.

Now.

5. You See Yourself as Art Instead of Something to Critique

This might be my favourite part.

Most women have spent years seeing themselves in pieces.

My stomach.

My thighs.

My wrinkles.

My arms.

That weird little thing happening under my bra.

We zoom in and dissect ourselves until we completely forget we're looking at an entire human being.

Photography lets you step outside of that.

Suddenly you're looking at the curve of your back, the expression in your eyes, the shape of your silhouette, the way the light falls across your skin.

You're not looking at a body that needs fixing.

You're looking at a woman.

And she's fucking beautiful.

Not because I changed her.

Not because Photoshop turned her into someone else.

Because I showed her what was already there.